你是否曾經感覺自己的感情曾經遭受沮喪,緊張,距離或其他負面情緒的困擾?事實是,在每段感情中這些糾結都不可避免。「如果你正在經歷這種幻滅,那麼說明你和大家都一樣」 。
1. Be critical。
太嚴苛。
Even "constructive" criticism can make your partner defensive and reduce the feeling of safety in a relationship. Being harsh and judgmental when angry can trigger a "fight or fight response."
哪怕是「建設性」的批評也會讓你的伴侶產生牴觸情緒,並降低二人關係之間的安全感。過於嚴厲和主觀,會讓憤怒引發一場「戰鬥或戰鬥反應」。
"Absolute compatibility" is an express route to a dull relationship. If you insist your partner have the same feelings and perceptions as you do, it can lead to despair and misery。
「絕對的一致」很快就會讓兩人的關係變得乏味。如果你堅持讓你的伴侶擁有和你一樣的感覺和認識,這會導致絕望和悲劇。
3. Flee from intimacy。
拒絕親密。
4. Play the blame game。
相互指責。
Using "you" language when upset will make your partner put up their defenses. When your goal is to communicate in a way that fosters intimacy, use statements that begin with "I feel" instead。
在感覺糟糕的時候用「你」這種表達會讓你的伴侶產生牴觸情緒。當你的目標是用一種能培養親密感的方式進行溝通,換用「我感覺……」作為開頭試試。
5. Bargain。
做交易。
6. Be casual about romance。
對於浪漫過於隨意。
No relationship can be spontaneously joyful forever. Once the initial excitement of a new romance wears off, some couples think their relationship is over and give up trying. They risk missing out on experiencing a deeper kind of love。
太過在意消極的情緒。
If you constantly think and talk about your partner's flaws it can amplify your discontent. A paradox of most forms of couples therapy is that you spend your sessions complaining about your partner—something that can actually be detrimental to your relationship。
如果你不停地考慮並談論你伴侶的缺點,這會放大你的不滿。大多數情侶治療形式的一個悖論在於,你在治療期間抱怨你的另一半,而這其實會損害你們的感情。
8. Refuse to listen。
拒絕傾聽。
9. Hide your needs。
隱藏自己的需求。
If you don't express what you need and want to your partner, you'll constantly feel deprived and frustrated. It's crucial share "the things that truly touch your heart."
如果你從不對伴侶表達你需要什麼想要什麼,你會一直感覺到不滿和沮喪。分享那些「真正觸動你內心的東西」 是非常重要的。
10. Expect a fairytale romance。
期待童話般的感情。
Fairy tales are just that and eventually we all have to come down to earth. Demanding the fantasy go on forever prevents your partner from ever being their authentic self and fosters resentment and distance。
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